Dear Santa

My friend, Michelle W, emailed this to me recently. So in honor of kicking off the Christmas season (I can't believe I don't have my tree up yet--but that's what happens when you rent a storage unit and it's no longer convenient to start hauling out the Christmas decorations whenever you feel like it!) here it is:



Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited their doctor's office more than my own doctor's, and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmas', since had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt, in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year, I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother", because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.

It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in to dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,

MOM

P.S. One more thing ...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.



Until later,

Emily

Crazy Hair Day (at school)

October 27, 2010




Until later,

Emily

Tantrum at Target

Well, I just got home from a thoroughly humiliating experience at Target...

Let me begin by saying...I knew better, I had a long list (i.e. a FULL cart) to knock out and I went AFTER I picked Toby up from preschool today. He no longer takes regular naps, but he still gets very cranky at this time of day.

First we stopped to get the "Popcorn Combo", unfortunately, they were out of BOTH Diet Coke and popcorn (what the heck?!), looking back, we should have just left and got the necessities at the grocery store, but, alas, we did not. Toby still got some Hawaiin Punch and a pretzel...but still...within the first two minutes our Target trip was already going downhill.

I knocked out most of the list and then added some because so many of the canned goods were on sale. Despite one small meltdown over which type of fruit snacks we were going to take home, all was still going well. I only had three items that I needed to look for over in the toddler department. Which, unfortunately, I went by the toys to get there (foolish, foolish!). That's where it all fell apart quickly.

Toby saw a Buzz Light Year. Toby declared that he wanted Buzz Light Year. I told him no and suggested that he put it on his Christmas list. That did not go over well at all. Unfortunately, Toby has picked up this screaming habit (high-pitched shrill is more like it) when he isn't getting his way which is awful and I hope he grows out of it soon.

So it was going something like this:

Toby: "I WANT A BUZZ LIGHT YEAR!"

Me: "No, Toby, not today, please stop screaming."

Toby: "But I want a TOY!"

Me: "Toby, I am not buying you a toy when you act like this, now please stop, you are being too loud."

Toby: "Yes, MOM, I WANT SOMETHING!"

Me: "Toby, you are not getting anything today."

At this point, I knew it was time to leave and as luck would have it, I had everything on my list now in the cart. We were on our way out. That's when this older lady (I would guess around 75-80 years old, who was not more than six feet away from me says:

"I WOULD SLAP HIM!"

Well, I don't know if she thought that I wouldn't know where that comment came from or if I would take her cue and just slap him across the face.. or if I would lower my head and submissively walk away...but that's not what happened next.

I looked right at her, right in her eyes, and raised my voice just a bit, and I said,

"No, maam, I will NOT slap my child!

Old hag: "Well!" (you can imagine that look of shock and disbelief that a "younger generation" is not respecting her elders).

Me: Well, and you have a nice day, maam." And she went running to her husband where they started mumbling, I don't know what, and it's probably for the best.

(Now let me explain, I am not actually against spanking. I do spank, maybe not daily but at least weekly. But I don't think this was the answer here. The facts were that he was tired, he saw something that he wanted, he wasn't getting it, so he acted out. And it was time to leave the store. It was embarrassing as it was. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, I just think it's rude to be a complete stranger in a store and think that you have the right to say it, or think that you can say it without any ramifications)

So for the next 60 seconds Toby was quiet. I think he knew something out-of-the-ordinary had just happened. But then his reality set in that we were headed to the check out stand and he wasn't getting Buzz, a toy, a candy...nothing...so he started screaming again. I started looking for a Target associate that I can tell I am leaving my full cart here but please don't put it all away and that I will come back in when he is settled down. Only then I realized that my purse and my keys are in the bottom of the cart which consists of 50% canned goods. I am stuck in Target, at 1:30 PM, with a screaming child and I just want to die! Not only that, I am afraid Old Hag and her husband are going to come around the corner and yell at me again! I see a checkout aisle that has no line. I check to see if it is the Express line, it is not. I figure I'll just get in line with him screaming. I've done this 100 times, this is not new, you know, it happens in parenthood.

He is screaming. I start unloading my cart. I realize just how full the cart is. He is still screaming. I have adrenaline still pumping from my little scene with the Old Hag, and I still want to die because he is SCREAMING. And he's not two anymore, he's almost four, I know how bad this looks and sounds! Believe me, I wanted out of Target! I can't hold it together any longer, a tear trickles down my face and another and another.... Awesome. Just awesome. He has broke me and now I am going to embarass myself. I have two moms come up to me and briefly tell me that this store if full of moms and that they've all been there. I know, I know, so have I. But it all hit me the wrong way and all I can do now is cry and continue to unload the bloody never-ending cart! Toby and I we were quite the scene today. The early-twenties cashier was in shock, I think.

We are home now. Home and what about Toby? Well he's sound asleep of course!





Until later,

Emily

Thomas Turns Eight!

10/24/2010

Happy Birthday to our guy, Thomas! Eight years old, already?

This year, Thomas' birthday fell on a Sunday. Sunday is our "day of rest", we don't do much on Sundays. But, we he opened presents in the morning where he got "lots of clothes" and "only some toys". We went to church where we had our annual Primary (children's) program. Thomas nailed his part. We came home and had Thomas' dinner of choice which was dinosaur chicken nuggets and tater tots. Later on that evening, we had the Lund family over for cake and ice cream. We like to keep things very simple. Thomas also received many thoughtful phone calls and cards in the mail.

But, actually, Thomas' birthday was kind of a four-day celebration:

◆ Friday, I took in donuts for his class. They don't allow for "parties" but they will serve a special treat during lunch time. The kids must have made Thomas feel special all day long, with birthday wishes and birthday privileges, he was beaming when he came home.

◆ Saturday, we took him to Toys R Us to pick out a set of Legos of his choice and also a new bike.

◆ And, finally, on Monday, we went out to dinner, as a family, for one last celebration. We went to Cracker Barrel, where Thomas selected pancakes.

Until later,

Emily

We Have Been Busy...

Over the past few weeks, we have had two birthdays, Halloween, a visit from my parents, and a baptism. Plus all the normal stuff that I can never seem to get on top of...check back after the weekend, hopefully I can get some new posts up.

Until later,

Emily